Today's Special: Charlie Sheen Promotes His Films on DVD!

Charlie Sheen’s media assault is hitting critical mass — Charlie Sheen: In His Own Words airs tonight on a Special Edition of 20/20 — and everyone has an opinion on it. The general feeling is that Sheen is going crazy, slipping away from reality, having a meltdown and so on. (There are so many different expressions for losing one’s marbles these days!)

Disc Dish begs to differ.

We propose that Sheen is brilliantly using his blitz of media coverage to cleverly — and often subliminally — drum up some DVD sales for his extensive back catalog of films. Not the obvious films — Wall Street and Platoon are gimmes, right? — but rather the lesser known titles that have slipped from the public consciousness as they linger on dusty video store shelves and in the shadowy corners of product supplier warehouses.

Disc Dish thinks it’s the only rational explanation for the extended rants that the Golden Globe-winning and Emmy-nominated actor has been going on for the past few weeks.  Initially, said ramblings are nutty and uproarious, but a second glance reveals that maybe Mr. Sheen knows exactly what he’s doing. Or at least, what’s he’s saying.

Here’s the evidence from his own quotes in the media over the last few days, and tell us that we’re not being rational when you see what we’ve come up with.

And if you don’t think we know what we’re talking about, well, there’s only one other explanation … and we’re not going to be the ones to announce it to Mr. Sheen.

1) On his relationship with his family and friends: “I’m extremely old-fashioned, I’m a nobleman, I’m chivalrous.”

2) On his regular workout routine: “Yeah, but there’s only one time in the gym if you catch my drift.”

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3) “I’m tired of pretending like I’m not bitching a total fricking rock star from Mars, and people can’t figure me out; they can’t process me … My brain … fires in a way that is — I don’t know, maybe not from this particular terrestrial realm.”

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4) “[I was] bangin’ 7-gram rocks and finishing them, because that’s how I roll. I have one speed, one gear … go!”

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5) “Everybody thinks I should be, like, begging for my job back. And I’m just going to forewarn them that it’s everybody else that’s going to be begging me for their job back.”

6) “Last I checked, Chaim, I spent close to the last decade effortlessly and magically converting your tin cans into pure gold. And the gratitude I get is this charlatan chose not to do his job, which is to write.”

7) On his relationship with his latest lovers: “I’m gonna hang out with these two smoking hotties and fly privately around the world. It might be lonely up here, but I sure like the view!”

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8) “I think I’m worth over a hundred billion dollars, but that’s just on a cellular level.”

9) “There’s a new sheriff in town. And he has an army of assassins.”

10) To Lindsay Lohan: “Work on your impulse control. … Just try and think things through a little bit before you do them.”